I like this girl A LOT. We’ve now just started to become close friends, but she’s:

A.) Not interested in a relationship at the moment because she’s “too busy with her schedule” and she’s “afraid of hurting innocent guys.” Those are her exact words, by the way.

B.) Has way too many guys who already want her even though she doesn’t even realize it herself. It’s a whole lot of competition. She’s totally oblivious to it. Either that, or she chooses not to take notice because she might think that if she ignores it, then the problem might go away…? I don’t know. Girls are so confusing.

I’m not much of a catch and I think she’s out of my league, but I really, really like her. I’m not the most handsome or the most charming guy out there and the odds are definitely not in my favor, but I know I can make her happy. She says that because of her past relationships, she feels that she won’t make a good girlfriend, but I’m willing to be patient so she can get it right. It’s just that I can’t seem to get close to her because of all these guys wanting to catch her eye and because the idea of having a boyfriend can’t even cross her mind. What do I do? I feel like if I don’t act fast, someone is bound to catch her eye and I’d lose my chances and be put in the friends’ zone forever. HELP ME.

Sincerely,

Nice Guys Finish Last

Dear Nice Guy,

Before we say anything, we want to take a moment to bow down to you. Because you, my friend, have some serious guts to chase a girl when it seems like the whole world is against you. And good lord, from what we know, you are a catch, because a dude who chases the girl he wants despite all these drawbacks because he knows he can make her happy is a dude worth giving a chance. We applaud you sir. Bravo.

From after much contemplating, we have 3 options you can take: wait it out, go for it, or stand and watch. Not to alarm you, but Mars and I did have a hard time finding the answer to this problem, because usually, there’s a happy medium between choices. However, this is one of those “can’t have your cake and eat it too” situations; it’s either you go for her now, later, or not at all. Seeing that you like her with that much passion, we believe you’re capable of being her knight in shining armor, the dude with the sword who can pummel through the dragons and high towers to get your damsel in distress.

You could wait it out until she is ready, but really, girls are completely unpredictable. If she sees you waiting for her, it could show that you’re willing to be a patient boyfriend when she is ready for a relationship. However, there’s also the chance that you’d wait to long and your life would be full with “what-ifs”. Honestly, a life wondering is a life wasted. But if you want to play everything safe, be our guest and wait it out for her.

You could also just forget about her. It’s not something we suggest you do, but if you believe that she might not be worth it in the end, no one is stopping you from what you think is right. Ask yourself this before you consider this path: if you thought she could be worth it a few weeks ago, what makes you think you’re worth a good boyfriend if you didn’t even try?

Your last option is to give it your all and chase her down. Out of all these three options, this one is the most nerve-racking and most difficult to accomplish…which is why we strongly suggest you do it. Of course, there’s always the chance of rejection, but rather you be rejected and recover in the future than wonder your whole life what would have been different if you just went with it. We’re not saying you will get rejected, we’re just saying it’s easier on the mind if you got rejected. What’s there to lose? We’re young. We’ll live through things like this.

We know this is easier said than done, just like everything else in life, but don’t rush! Just pretend the competition isn’t even there (again, easier said than done). The more rushed you feel, the more rushed your actions will be, and that is definitely not the best way to get a girl. In fact, it might even scare her off because you might be too forward with her. You say that she doesn’t even want a relationship in the first place. If this is true, then there isn’t even any need to rush because it’s not like she’s looking for a man anyway. That way, you can take all the time you need to plan and take things as slow as you need to.

It’s probably true that it’s not really gentleman-like or chivalrous to wait until she’s ready. However, this doesn’t stop you from getting closer to her as a friend. And when the time comes that she is ready, you’ll be ready too because of the advantage of already being her friend.

Whatever you chose to do, we leave you with one last piece of golden advice: don’t regret (yes, this too is easier said than done). Take time to really think about what you want to do, and just push through it. Life is too short to do things half-heartedly.

Good Luck!

Venus and Mars

Want to get advice from Venus and Mars? Email your burdens to vfttsubmissions@gmail.com with the subject as “Dear Venus and Mars”. All submissions will be guaranteed anonymous. Pinky promise.

How would you deal with a busy boyfriend? Even though I am very involved at school and have a busy schedule myself, I seem to be able to find the time for a relationship. However that doesn’t seem to hold true for my other half. He’s involved in a lot of sports, so he’s tired after practice. That’s understandable. But it doesn’t even seem like he’s trying to stay up 30 minutes after practice, or a couple of hours on the weekend. I feel like this issue is definitely hurting our relationship.

Thanks in advance.

~ Waiting Alone

Dear Waiting,

Ah, the sad realities of high school life. We can see why you’re struggling. What you’re dealing with isn’t something a teen couple today can really prepare for. Life can just be a jerk sometimes, and you and your boo-thang are just going to have to tough it out. Harsh, yes, but just imagine how much stronger your relationship with him will be after the waiting. Patience, baby girl. Patience.

Just after reading your issue, we can tell that you’re a very supportive girlfriend. Totally mature, we must say. We just want to let you know that you’re doing the right thing letting your boyfriend do what he’s passionate about. And we salute you and all the damsels in distress who are waiting for the right thing to happen even though they’re doing the right thing anyway. And it sucks, we know. Neither of you deserve it.

And that’s the sad thing. It’s no one’s fault. We respect you for saving time for your significant other, something that has become a challenge to teens with a busy schedule. But the thing is, he should be able to do the same. The secret to a successful relationship is when both individuals give and take the same amount of effort into the relationship that their partner is giving and taking. We’re not saying that we have no respect for the tiresome work that the athletes have to endure, but students who sign up for four or five clubs, take on extra classes, tackle piles of homework, volunteer, keep in touch with their family and friends, have time for proper hygiene, remember to smile from time to time, deal with teenage drama and hormones, and still have the sanity to keep themselves together is like running a full-fledged marathon every single day of their lives. In short, almost everyone’s got it bad, but the balance is off. He’s not putting in as much effort as you are even though you’re just as busy as he is. You did your waiting. You were supportive. You deserve attention. And if he’s too busy to at least go out once every two weeks or sit down and chat, then he’s too busy for a relationship. That’s on him, not you.

The answer to this is simple. Say it out loud. Tell him up front how you feel. Be gentle, of course, but be firm and don’t hold back. Explain why this relationship isn’t really going as great as you wanted it to be, and suggest a solution. A simple “Let’s catch Paranormal Activity 3 on Saturday” or “Wanna chill at the park?” can spark warm memories. Of course, this doesn’t have to happen every single day, but at least once in a while. Even the littlest things can fill in this gap you have, like spending a few moments with him before he goes to practice or sending him cheesy candy grams (if he’s that mushy type of guy). Whatever you two decide to do, keep in mind that it’s never, ever easy. If it were easy, all chick flicks would suck and Jack from The Titanic would have lived.

Of course, there’s always other options. You could take a break from each other. Now before you get offended about even bringing this up, hear us out. We’re totally not questioning your feelings for each other. Not at all. In fact, you waiting and supporting your boyfriend just proves how legit your feelings are for each other. However, if you really, truly feel that he can’t handle a relationship right now, then you could take a break from each other so each person can get things sorted out. After that, you two can try out a relationship again. In our opinion, we think you should try getting your old spark back before taking a break. If that doesn’t work out, then by all means, take a break from each other and try again later.

And with that, we have one last piece of wisdom to share. Relationships are like a good song on the radio. You fall in love every time you listen to it, but when it gets overplayed, it just sounds like a broken record. Sometimes, you just have to stop listening to it. But after a while, you seem to miss it, to want it, to remember the good feelings you had with it, and finally, fall back in love with it once more.

Good Luck,

Venus and Mars

Want to get advice from Venus and Mars? Email your burdens to vfttsubmissions@gmail.com with the subject as “Dear Venus and Mars”. All submissions will be guaranteed anonymous.

So I’ve had a boyfriend for a year and we recently broke up. I guess we started falling apart and we fought somewhere near the end of our relationship. I don’t know why though; we were doing great. Things felt right with him. Lately, it’s not so much. It’s awkward and we barely talk to each other, even though I constantly bump into him. Also, I’m starting to suspect that he likes this other girl. I know I have no right to be jealous now that we’re not together anymore, but I can’t accept it. Did he really move on that quickly after a whole year? Truth is, I miss him so much, even though he told me straight up that I’m “just another girl” to him now. How do I deal with someone who I want so bad but doesn’t want me back?

Sincerely,

Forever Sighing

Dear Sighing,

One word: closure. And a lot of it.

What you need right now is to tie the lose ends. Spill everything. All the bubbling feelings inside need to finally come to surface. Think of it as having a virus. You stay home in order to get rid of all the nasty little buggers inside of you before you go back to school. Take the time now to “detox” your feelings so you have a clean slate for the next special someone, someone worth the wait. It’s never healthy to keep in negative feelings or unfinished business, so get rid of them now before it becomes something serious that damages your life. Talk to someone who will listen. Heck, talk to your ex and tell him how you really, truly feel, but remember to walk away with your chin up and with no intentions of taking him back. Of course, this is definitely easier said than done, but trust us, you’ll feel as if a boulder had rolled off your shoulder. You wholly deserve to be free from these burdening feelings.

What you don’t deserve is this pain for someone who doesn’t deserve you. Don’t torture yourself with unrequited love. Clichés aside, value yourself enough to expect someone to value you. In a nutshell, do yourself a favor and get over him. And don’t waste your time. Sorry to break it to you sweetheart, but no matter how great your relationship with him during your good times, think about your happiness now. Sure, you had it good in the long run with him, but if he’s so quick to forget all the great times you had with him, the only thing you’re going to get from daydreaming about him is an ice cream from the freezer to pig out on.

Everyone knows that in a positive relationship, both individuals need to put in the same amount effort. Once the balance is corrupted, problems start to arise. These problems get ignored or brushed aside throughout the relationship until one day, someone snaps. When they do, both individuals are exposed to the people who they really are inside. Of course, it’s nothing horrible. Our good and bad sides are what makes us human. What separates couples that last from couples that don’t last is whether or not the individuals can handle the monster inside of their partner that every person holds inside of them. What happened to you two and to many other relationships in high school is that you and your ex forgot about the nature of the teenager. People our age change constantly. We’re hot, then cold, then yes, then no, as Katy Perry would say it. The “monster” inside of us becomes even more sour by the day because of our changing, confusing nature. In short, people change and so do their feelings. It’s life, and all we need to do is go with the simple flow of human emotion.

The honest and sad truth is, it’s hard to stay committed when you’re a teenager. In the words of Shakespeare, “what’s done is done.” You can’t force him to like you. First off, it wouldn’t work. Secondly, if it did, it would only be fake feelings. And wouldn’t you rather be dealing with temporary heartbreak than living with a relationship full of one big lie?

You should enjoy the single life for now. Hang out with friends or get more involved in school and clubs. Don’t let one bad relationship ruin your life because there will always be “the one” waiting for you in the future. Getting rid of these feelings is like curing a virus in another way as well. After one goes away, you become stronger as a whole. And out of all the cheesy clichés spoken throughout this whole article, take heed to this one: “the one” is out there. Maybe not riding on a sparkling white horse, but he’ll sweep you away just like any other prince charming.

Sincerely,

Venus and Mars

Want to get advice from Venus and Mars? Email your burdens to vfttsubmissions@gmail.com with the subject as “Dear Venus and Mars”. All submissions will be guaranteed anonymous.

I’m having problems with my life. It’s mainly because of a recent problem I had with this girl. I thought she liked me and I fell for it. She only “liked” me because I had a lot of money. I was too caught up in her lies to realize this. I should’ve known since she was crazy out of my league. I really shared my life with this girl and she didn’t even care about who I was. I noticed that I kind of lost my old personality and some of my friends. Some people have noticed but they probably think it’s because of high school.

I’ve been trying to recover from this but it isn’t working to great for me. There’s this other girl who I like now but it’s been hard. I just haven’t been able to open up after my disappointment from the previous girl. It’s not that I don’t trust this other girl, it’s just that I don’t want to waste my time and heart on someone who doesn’t care about me like how I care about them. Please help me with my problems.

Sincerely,

Too Careful

Dear Too Careful,

Someone scarred you in the past. I understand. It happens sometimes, but at least you learned your lesson to not let people walk all over you anymore. It’s totally natural for you to feel that you have to put your walls up and defend yourself after getting hurt. The problem is that you want to break down these walls in order to open up to this new girl, but you’re afraid to get hurt again. Basically, you’re caught in between taking a leap of faith or playing it safe.The real question is, are you ready to let everything out?

From what I can see, it’s time for some serious reflecting.You’re still scared of being let down again. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Time, acceptance, and closure is what you need now. These three things are your first step to solve any problem, so stop burying your feelings for the girl that hurt you. You just need to accept that it happened, mourn, and let all buried feelings come to surface. Don’t ever, ever try to hide your feelings, although it’s a little late for me to say this. It’s a bad habit of people, because they believe that they can get rid of their negative feelings by just hiding them and forgetting them. In reality, this only slows down the process of leaving behind past feelings.Your goal is to get rid of your uncertain feelings. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to take a lot time. It’s going to get you angry. But its going to be so, so worth it in the end.

Start by accepting that you should not feel at fault for what happened between you and this “gold-digger.” Don’t start picking at yourself, thinking you were not good enough to keep her. From what I can see, she was not worthy enough to be with you. It was totally out of line for her to only fancy your money while you have genuine feelings towards her. This leads to your next step: closure. Bring all bubbling feelings inside of you to a simmer. If you feel that the only way to bring yourself at ease is to tell her that you felt you were wronged, then do it.

After which, you should consider whether or not you’re ready to be in a relationship again. It seems you’re going a little too fast to be with this new girl. Take your time! This is high school, the ideal time to find who you are. Enjoy the single life for a while. Reflect once more if you are still willing to be with someone at the moment. If you’re not ready to open up to her yet, then just enjoy being her friend for now. To have a healthy relationship with this new girl, you need to be willing to make yourself vulnerable to prove that you trust her. If you can’t handle this, take all the time you need. If she’s worth it, she’ll understand.

This is one of those situations that test the nice side of you, so be cautious. You’re finally standing up for what you deserve, and what you deserve is to be straightforward with your feelings. Frustration will come your way, and you’ll even question if you’re doing the right thing. However, stand your ground. You’ll get through it, promise.

At your service,

Venus

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My love life sucks… I have a hard time getting to know cute guys and becoming their friend. Even though I have classes with them, and awesome friends trying to help me, it’s still hard for me. It started in 7th grade with this really cute guy in my class. I never said a word to him even though he was always right there! I later found out he liked me too, but then I was just like, “Now what?” When 8th grade started, I had my mind on getting to know him and starting off by saying hi to him at least. I never did it… He was the first to talk to me. In the end, I only talked to him like 4 times that school year. Now, in high school, I said hi to him once and then he moved out of Elk Grove like 3 days later. The guy I am now having problems with (who I have a in a class of mine) seems to me, harder to talk to. Guys I like always have a tendency to not talk to me, I have noticed. I have made two “encounters” with this guy, if they should even be called that. My friends have been very supportive of me, but they make it sound so easy when, to me, it really isn’t. It’s just that “the moment” is never right to me. Honestly, walking up to a stranger and just say hi & striking up a conversation is a little weird and it seems desperate. I’m not looking for something serious, just to be able to say, “Yeah, I know him.” And get to know this guy better, but I can’t even do that. What do I do?

Sincerely,

Super Sexy & Shy

Dear Super Sexy & Shy,

I know talking to a person that you don’t really know may be uncomfortable or awkward, but you have to deal with it sooner or later. It’s part of life, and you can’t live inside your safe boundaries forever. You want to be more sociable, you say, so you have to be willing to put yourself out there. Of course, we’re not saying to go overboard and strut around school telling strangers that you love them.  We’re trying to say that maybe it’s time for a little change, because nothing good can come out of waiting around. Get yourself up, and get out there girl! You got this! This is high school, the ideal time to find who you are and what you can do. The only way to do it is to try.

The best way to start anything in life is to always take baby steps. Start small. Ask them what homework was. Borrow a pencil or paper. Share a book. This is just to get you used to talking to someone. Once you feel comfortable enough, start saying hi. If it is still uncomfortable, you can always start with just a simple smile. Once you’re comfortable with that, popping up conversations are great ways to get closer to someone. They don’t even have to be anything complicated. A small “Are you going to the game this Friday?” or “I don’t understand this problem” or even a “How was your day?” can lead to bigger conversation and a few laughs.

Sometimes, a guy doesn’t notice you until you make yourself known. Either that, or they notice you but they are too shy to make the “first step” themselves. Just think, you could be talking to your next best friend and not even know it. The only way to find out is to just say hi. The first impression stays with you for a while so you should try to make it a good one. Try not to be so scared! Chances are, he wants to talk to you too. I know many people have probably told you to just  ”be yourself”, but it really does mean a lot.  Make it seem like you are an onion and he just peeled off the weird outside layer to see a brighter, better layer.

You shouldn’t change who you are for a person either. Don’t try to have a preppy, cheerful attitude if his past girlfriends were like that. Always be your self and don’t feel bad about getting comfortable with yourself. If he can’t take your faults, then he isn’t good enough to understand who you are. Be true to yourself. If someone doesn’t like that, then they probably don’t deserve to be friends with you anyway.

Smile. Breathe. Laugh. Stay that person you are today, because that’s who people want to see: the down-to-earth, beautiful and independent individual you and everyone knows you are.

Always here for guidance,

Venus and Mars

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There’s this girl who is really close to this guy who already has a girlfriend. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, because it’s probably not true that they like each other. In English, one of my friends sees the two together listening to music (the teacher allows them to) giggling and giving each other looks. It’s not just that, but things like that have been happening this whole term. It’s like, you can’t separate the two. I don’t know, maybe we’re just overreacting. But the thing is, this guy hurt me in the past. We went out, but we broke up 5 months ago because I was played. I don’t want that to happen to his girlfriend. Help!

Sincerely,

Concerned

Dear Concerned,

We know you want to do something to help out your friend, but you have to realize that this is their relationship. What happens, happens. It’s totally normal to feel suspicious about this guy. And it’s definitely natural to feel protective over your friend. This just proves how great of a friend you are. It’s obvious he’s not reliable, and its definitely possible that he will cheat. However, you can’t put yourself into the middle of this because this is between 3 people: him, your friend, and this other girl. Although it may sound heartless,  you can’t be tangled into a problem that you aren’t even involved in.

For now, you should just lay low and let it pass. However, keep in mind that if it happens that he is cheating and your friend finds out that you knew all along, it may jeopardize your relationship with her. Again, this may sound selfish and heartless, but rather you stay away from drama than poke your nose in others’ business. Of course, you would still want to look after your friend, but she still needs her own independence to solve things on her own. Although you care deeply for her, you can’t baby her through her troubles. Just be there to be her shoulder to cry on, her warm hug on a cold day, her friend that was there through everything.

We know that you want to rat this guy out to your friend, but wait until things get so serious that you just can’t hide it anymore, say if you saw them kiss or go on a date. We’re not saying to stalk the guy and take pictures of his every move, but if evidence does come your way, be more than happy to show it to your friend. We must warn you, however, that your friend might be deny what you show her and turn a blind eye. She might even be upset with you because she might come to the conclusion that you want to break her and her boyfriend apart. She could turn against you, but remember you only had the best intentions. If the time comes that you do come upon evidence, don’t rat her boyfriend solely out of revenge for playing you. Do it because you want your friend to save herself from hurt.

Remember, if it happens that your friendship between you and your friend becomes jeopardized because of this situation, keep in mind that you only had the best intentions. If she doesn’t understand, give her space to reflect because you did nothing wrong. If he has feelings for that other girl, he should tell his girlfriend the truth and take what he deserves. If it does happen that he is cheating, you can not do anything to stop her from having her feelings hurt; everyone involved in this situation will end up affected in some sort of way.

Morever, go with the flow. Yes, we know it sounds cliche, but there’s a lot more to it than you think. Relax. Deep down, you know what to do when the time comes. It’s just the natural instinct of a fierce and loyal friend.

Happy to Help,

Venus and Mars

Want to get advice from Venus and Mars? Email your burdens to vfttsubmissions@gmail.com with the subject as “Dear Venus and Mars”. All submissions will be guaranteed anonymous.

So I’ve been liking this guy for a while, since about the end of summer. Summer romance right? Now that we’re back in school, he’s giving me mixed signals and I kind of want to give up. I can’t tell if he likes me…Then again, what if we happened? I keep finding myself wanting to get at him but I want myself to give up too…I’m so confused!

Sincerely,

Lovesick

Dear Lovesick,

Mixed signals are no fun. And no one deserves to second-guess feelings that they feel strongly about. In general, there’s plenty of fish in the ocean, and this fish ain’t for you. Sorry, hun.

If you feel really strongly about this guy, as if you feel like you’d cease to exist without him, tell him your true feelings. We’re not saying that this may help him realize feelings towards you (although it might), but because no one should go through the pain of holding things in. If you choose to confess, then you’re doing this for you. Don’t forget that. However, if he still doesn’t want to take a chance on you and try making you two happen, do yourself a favor and just move on. Get over him, because now, he’s just missing out on a girl who we are sure is wonderful.

What we’re really trying to say here is that there’s so much that you’re missing from mooning over this guy. That sounds harsh, we know, but if you’re the only one hurting and he does not seem affected, you need to chin up. Pull a Beyonce, put your hands up, and love the single ladies life. It’s easy for your self-esteem to lower for something like this, but you have to realize that you deserve better. We’re not saying that you’re self-conscious, but it seems like you’re looking at what you are doing wrong, and what we know so far, you aren’t doing anything wrong. It’s he who’s missing out.

We’re also not saying it’s going to be easy. Letting things go is hard, especially if you feel so strongly for him. But think of this as also a good thing. If you do choose to get over him despite its difficulties, it will make you stronger for the next guy that comes your way.

All in all, you’re still young and you should enjoy life’s little things. Don’t rush to grow up and have grown-up problems like these! Try to smile despite these confusing feelings, because you’ll look back at this day when you’re old and crispy and laugh.  Seriously. You’ll be telling your kids the “when I was your age” stories about this boy. But for now, take it one step at a time. Letting things go will take a while. Like we said, don’t rush. Smile. Be happy. Trust us, the right guy will come sweep you off your feet when you least expect it.

Always Happy to Help,

Venus and Mars

Want to get advice from Venus and Mars? Email your burdens to vfttsubmissions@gmail.com with the subject as “Dear Venus and Mars”. All submissions will be guaranteed anonymous.

]]> http://www.voicesfromthetrail.com/adviceopinion/askvenusandmars/2011/09/15/dear-venus-and-mars-mixed-signals/feed/ 0 http://www.voicesfromthetrail.com/adviceopinion/askvenusandmars/2011/09/05/dear-mars-overprotective-brothers/ http://www.voicesfromthetrail.com/adviceopinion/askvenusandmars/2011/09/05/dear-mars-overprotective-brothers/#comments Tue, 06 Sep 2011 00:46:44 +0000 Anne Capcap http://www.voicesfromthetrail.com/?p=2651 Dear Mars,

I have an older brother who practically raised me, since my parents are divorced. I look up to him, and he always takes care of me. Unfortunately, he’s really overprotective. I want more freedom, especially now that I’m sixteen. Can I please have a guy’s perspective of how to talk to an older brother?

Sincerely,

Little Sister

Dear Little Sister,

It’s always hard to raise a girl, especially if your family was going through something serious, like a divorce. Raising a girl alone requires someone to be a mom and a dad, and your brother took on his duty to be both. It’s just natural for your brother to feel protective over you, since he was with you since birth. It’s a guy thing, you know. It’s somewhat the universal duty of a man to protect the women in his life, like how a male lion protects his pride. Since your brother has been protecting you from the big bad world for sixteen years, he might not even notice that he’s limiting your freedom.

Talk to him calmly and tell him why you believe you deserve to get more freedom. Prove to him that you can handle it by exceeding expectations at not just at school but at home as well. Remember that it’s going to take time, because this is something new to him. Don’t force him to give you freedom; give him plenty of space to think about it. Don’t raise your voice, and keep completely calm. Always remember that he’s still alpha male, so whatever he says goes. That means that if he doesn’t warm up to the idea at first, give him time, then try again. Compromises can also be talked about, such as putting up curfews and ground rules.

If your brother still refuses to listen to you, try talking to someone he would listen to, such as your parents. Perhaps they can help you change your brother’s mind. However, try to keep this situation between you and your brother as much as you can.

All in all, always remember that he is your brother, and he only wants the best for you. So no matter what he decides, he’s only doing it for your benefit. Keep smiling and keep your head held high!

Sincerely,

Mars

Want to get advice from Venus and Mars? Email your burdens to vfttsubmissions@gmail.com with the subject as “Dear Venus and Mars”. All submissions will be guaranteed anonymous.

]]> http://www.voicesfromthetrail.com/adviceopinion/askvenusandmars/2011/09/05/dear-mars-overprotective-brothers/feed/ 0 http://www.voicesfromthetrail.com/adviceopinion/askvenusandmars/2011/09/05/dear-venus-chain-of-crushes/ http://www.voicesfromthetrail.com/adviceopinion/askvenusandmars/2011/09/05/dear-venus-chain-of-crushes/#comments Mon, 05 Sep 2011 23:53:30 +0000 Anne Capcap http://www.voicesfromthetrail.com/?p=2632 Dear Venus,

Sometimes I hate being a teenager.

There’s all these hormonal issues with awkward emotional and physical growth. Mustaches grow. People shoot up from the ground like they’re Yao Ming. It’s scary, especially the emotional stuff. You see, there’s this girl…

Man, she’s amazing. I like her a lot, and we’ve been friends for about 3 years now. But she likes this other dude, which happens to be a close friend of mine, who happens to like someone else. I hate seeing her hurt, because she knows that my friend likes someone else. What’s with this chain of crushes and how do I break it? Help…

Sincerely,

Hopeless

Dear Hopeless,

First off, amen to all that about hating being a teenager. We all feel your pain here at VFTT. Puberty sucks.

So. This girl. Amazing, is she? Too bad your friend can’t see that. The thing is, this girl is missing out too. Apparently, she’s too busy looking at your friend, she might not think about her feelings towards you. You say that you have always been in the friends zone with her. Before you plan to do anything, ask yourself: Are you willing to risk friendship to take the next step with her? What I suggest is that you take a step back with everything that’s going on and evaluate on if you think you’re ready to take a chance.

If not, then continue to stay her friend, her shoulder to cry on. I understand that it hurts to watch someone you like go after a buddy of yours, but just maybe, she’ll realize who has been by her side this whole time. Maybe you won’t have to do anything; maybe she’ll come to you. In contrast, perhaps in time, you’ll realize that she really is just a friend to you and nothing more. Maybe this secret romance between you two is just not worth it.

If you’re about to burst and you just have to tell how you feel, keep in mind that she still likes your friend, and your friend does not have mutual feelings towards her. This means that, lucky for you, she knows how you feel about not being able to have the person you want to have. Take it slow, but tell her how you feel directly. Don’t expect the best out of this situation, but always remember that it was worth a shot and that you shouldn’t regret what you did. Give each other space to think. Remember, the real reason you want to tell her how you feel is not just because it might make her realize some possible feelings towards you but because you’re tired of holding back these feelings you can’t deny. You say you hate seeing her hurt. Perhaps she’ll realize that she doesn’t have keep getting hurt anymore. In contrast, this could jeopardize your friendship. Things could get awkward, but because you two have been friends for so long, you should be able to conquer obstacles together. If not, then you know where you stand with her.

If you have no idea what to do, take your time to figure it out. Maybe you’re rushing things. A thought-out idea is better than a rash one.

Above all, whatever happens, happens. Once you make your decision, don’t look back. Regret is such an ugly thing; it consumes a person until nothing is left except for guilt. Stay strong and keep smiling!

Sincerely,

Venus

Want to get advice from Venus and Mars? Email your burdens to vfttsubmissions@gmail.com with the subject as “Dear Venus and Mars”. All submissions will be guaranteed anonymous.

 Dear Contact Contemplator,

It sounds like you have already answered your own question. Your gut is telling you to get contacts because you think you would look better. Follow that instinct and you can’t go wrong. There should be no reason for you to feel bad about what you want for yourself. While most people find contacts much easier than glasses, there is no harm in just testing them out.  If you don’t like them, you can always switch back. There is also the option of switching back and forth between glasses and contacts that can give you a more versatile look. It all comes down to what you feel most comfortable with, whether it’s contacts or glasses. 

-Venus

Dear Contact Contemplator,

I’d say it all depends on how you view glasses. Glasses today come in all sorts of fashions so that you can look your best wearing them. Trying a new style might suffice for you. If it doesn’t, then I would say that making the switch to contacts would be fine. There is no harm in making a change if it makes you feel better about yourself.  With contacts you do have to worry about the upkeep: washing, replacing keeping them clean and safe. This can be a hassle, but I’d say that if you’re willing and responsible enough to put up with that, then making the switch would be a good move.  I would definitely give it a shot; it’s not a permanent switch and if you’re dissatisfied, your glasses will still be there.

 -          Mars

Email Venus and Mars at vfttadvice@gmail.com  with your own questions