Dear Venus and Mars: Breaking Down Walls
October 18, 2011
Filed under Ask Venus & Mars, Top Stories
Dear Venus (I don’t really need Mars but he can help I guess),
I’m having problems with my life. It’s mainly because of a recent problem I had with this girl. I thought she liked me and I fell for it. She only “liked” me because I had a lot of money. I was too caught up in her lies to realize this. I should’ve known since she was crazy out of my league. I really shared my life with this girl and she didn’t even care about who I was. I noticed that I kind of lost my old personality and some of my friends. Some people have noticed but they probably think it’s because of high school.
I’ve been trying to recover from this but it isn’t working to great for me. There’s this other girl who I like now but it’s been hard. I just haven’t been able to open up after my disappointment from the previous girl. It’s not that I don’t trust this other girl, it’s just that I don’t want to waste my time and heart on someone who doesn’t care about me like how I care about them. Please help me with my problems.
Sincerely,
Too Careful
Dear Too Careful,
Someone scarred you in the past. I understand. It happens sometimes, but at least you learned your lesson to not let people walk all over you anymore. It’s totally natural for you to feel that you have to put your walls up and defend yourself after getting hurt. The problem is that you want to break down these walls in order to open up to this new girl, but you’re afraid to get hurt again. Basically, you’re caught in between taking a leap of faith or playing it safe.The real question is, are you ready to let everything out?
From what I can see, it’s time for some serious reflecting.You’re still scared of being let down again. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Time, acceptance, and closure is what you need now. These three things are your first step to solve any problem, so stop burying your feelings for the girl that hurt you. You just need to accept that it happened, mourn, and let all buried feelings come to surface. Don’t ever, ever try to hide your feelings, although it’s a little late for me to say this. It’s a bad habit of people, because they believe that they can get rid of their negative feelings by just hiding them and forgetting them. In reality, this only slows down the process of leaving behind past feelings.Your goal is to get rid of your uncertain feelings. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to take a lot time. It’s going to get you angry. But its going to be so, so worth it in the end.
Start by accepting that you should not feel at fault for what happened between you and this “gold-digger.” Don’t start picking at yourself, thinking you were not good enough to keep her. From what I can see, she was not worthy enough to be with you. It was totally out of line for her to only fancy your money while you have genuine feelings towards her. This leads to your next step: closure. Bring all bubbling feelings inside of you to a simmer. If you feel that the only way to bring yourself at ease is to tell her that you felt you were wronged, then do it.
After which, you should consider whether or not you’re ready to be in a relationship again. It seems you’re going a little too fast to be with this new girl. Take your time! This is high school, the ideal time to find who you are. Enjoy the single life for a while. Reflect once more if you are still willing to be with someone at the moment. If you’re not ready to open up to her yet, then just enjoy being her friend for now. To have a healthy relationship with this new girl, you need to be willing to make yourself vulnerable to prove that you trust her. If you can’t handle this, take all the time you need. If she’s worth it, she’ll understand.
This is one of those situations that test the nice side of you, so be cautious. You’re finally standing up for what you deserve, and what you deserve is to be straightforward with your feelings. Frustration will come your way, and you’ll even question if you’re doing the right thing. However, stand your ground. You’ll get through it, promise.
At your service,
Venus
Want to get advice from Venus and Mars? Email your burdens to vfttsubmissions@gmail.com with the subject as “Dear Venus and Mars”. All submissions will be guaranteed anonymous
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